“No, exactly what
time?”
Ring. Ring. Ring.
Mommy (with breathless exhaustion) Hello…oh hi.?
Daddy So how are you? And how is little snookums?
Mommy (implied sigh) We’re fine. The same. Tired.
Daddy (trying to bring some sunshine to the darkness) Well I am glad that you are able to…uhm…listen Mr. Rutledge just called, and guess what…
Mommy what?
Daddy Well, you know how I said that he liked my report on the performance of the overseas market, and that…
Mommy (muffled) Hang on a minute…(to the baby) Oh did you spit up again… (bigger sigh, but to no one in particular) I just got a shower and now you threw up on my neck and it’s…
Daddy is everything OK?
Mommy Yes…Snookums just spit up on my neck, and I just got a shower cause she finally laid down…
Daddy (confused) You just got out of the shower? It’s like 3:30 in the afternoon. Why were…
Mommy (cutting him off) because Snookums finally settled down and then I got a load of laundry started and then before I could even dry my hair she was up screaming, so I had to go get here, and then the phone rang and so I was carrying her talking to you and then she barfed on my neck. And so now I have barf all down my back so I need to get back in the shower, but Snookums is hungry so I can’t so I guess I am getting ready to sit down and nurse her with my back covered in baby yack and my hair still wet which really doesn’t matter since I have to get back in the shower at some point and Holly and Jeff want to come over and see the baby and the house is a wreck and we don’t have anything to drink and I smell like baby vomit and everythinbg I won smells like baby vomit except for the clothes that smell like baby poop and I just can’t seem to get her on any kind of schedule and all the books and my mom and your mom and my granny all they ever talk about is how important it is to get Snookums on a schedule and the only schedule she wants to be on is to be up every minute of the night and every minute of the day and I thought that babies slept a lot. So what did you want?
Daddy (haltingly) uhm, I was asking…I forget.
Mommy Did you call your mother?
Daddy (haltingly, again) Uhm…call my mother?
Mommy Yes. You said you were going to call your mother to come keep Snookums for a couple of hours one night next weekend so we could go out to dinner. Do you remember talking about that?
Daddy Yes, I remember. I just forgot to call. I’ll do it …
Mommy Do you not want to go out to dinner with me? Do you think I am gross because I smell like baby vomit and baby poop and baby everything else every minute of the baby day? Is that it? You know you are…
Daddy No it’s not that. It’s just that remember I said Mr. Rutledge called and he wants me to go to a meeting with him next week and talk about my report.
Mommy Oh, that sounds good.
Daddy Yeah,
and the meeting is (said very quickly, like a machine gun) Las Vegas
Comments